Go Hard

In a previous episode I let you guys know that I was jumping into the lake of seminary and would be seeking ordination. I figured that the fall would be swift and that the treading of water would be prolonged and painful. I am afraid that I am going to have to amend that assessment.

So Kristy, I appreciate the floaties that you gave me and I thought that I would me metaphorically using them now. The problem is that I have yet to hit the lake. Let me explain. When I made the commitment to seminary and ordination, my assumption was that I would take online courses and that this would have a minimal effect on my life. I figured that I could squeeze God into the margins of my life and therefore leave the rest of my life unaffected. Oh Contrare.

John Randles is the speaker this week at Falls Creek, and I decided that I would ask him his opinion about this 40 something going to seminary. I told him quite a bit. I told him about being "called" when I was 16. I told him about my plan for missions. I told him about my marriage. I told him about how my wife said no to missions and then I told him about how I had already attended seminary but that the previous visit lasted only one day. Then I told him how my wife left me after I quit trusting God to use me in spite of missing out on the mission field. I told him that for a long time I felt disqualified from vocational service.

He asked a lot of questions about my marriage situation. I told him that I was remarried (12 years), and that I had no children from my previous marriage and some other stuff that I don't remember. He then assured me that I was not disqualified but that I did need to choose a seminary carefully. When I told him that I had planned on taking classes online he got a puzzled look on his face and asked me what I wanted to do. I said, "I think that I want to teach and write, but right now I am just trying to be obedient , so who knows what the future holds."

If you don't know John Randles let me tell you that I have never heard him give easy answers, so when I saw his eyebrows scrunch together a little bit I thought that I might be in for it. Instead, he talked for a while about how at my age I needed to be careful not to confuse a shortcut with a detour.

I spent the rest of the day contemplating my conversation with John, and then I heard him say something in the service that really hit home. He said that no one could ever expect to get maximum return from minimum effort. He may as well have looked directly at me and said "Go hard or Go home Trent," or "put up or shut up," or some other thing about getting off the toilet. I realized at that time that I have not even hit the water in the lake yet. I am still falling.

Now I really don't know what to expect. If I go hard I may not have a home. If I put up I may want to shut up. I am just beginning to realize that my commitment was bigger than I expected. I thought I had everything figured out and could start treading water. At this rate I am unsure about even surviving the fall.