Confusion

If you promise not to tell anyone, I will let you in on a little secret. I will whisper. I am really confused right now.

To be honest, if you have read my blog or if you know me, you will not be surprised by that statement at all. Most of you have probably suspected it for a long time. You may have thought that I veil all of my ideas and thoughts in a shroud of confusion to cover up the fact that I am more confused than you are. Well, you are correct.

A while back I committed to going to seminary. I applied at SWBTS and planned on taking classes there this fall. The admission process took longer than I expected, and soon, I was looking at the prospect of missing the first 3 weeks of Greek. Knowing that getting caught up was going to be a pain in the arse, I decided to wait a semester.

Admittedly, if that was the only thing that was confusing me about seminary, I would be one pathetic soul. Well, it isn't the only thing. It is just the easiest thing to talk about.

You see, I am confused because things are not turning out like I expected. I thought that if I said, "Yes, God. I will," that everything would fall neatly into place, like concrete being poured into a form. I thought that if I said yes to God I would go into the form all liquid like and come out all formed and solid, exactly what God wanted me to become. It isn't working out like that.

Now don't get me wrong, I will still work on seminary, but I am no longer in a big rush. I can't be. If I try to rush it, I will go insane. I don't mind rushing myself, but things are not that simple. I am not a single man trying to pursue what God wants for me. I am pursuing what God wants for us. That is the part that is confusing. Why would God not reveal himself the same way to everyone? I don't know. I mean I am willing after all.

Our pastor talked to me about this in sunday school yesterday. Actually, he was talking to the whole class, but I was the one that the lesson was for. I am not confused about that...at all. He was talking to us about John the Baptist, and how when John was in prison, he sent some of his disciples to find out if Jesus was really the Christ. There were lots of reasons that John may have done this. He may have done it because John wanted his disciples to understand that it was time to begin following Jesus. It may have been because John was wanting some sort of encouraging sign since he was himself in prison. It may have been something completely different, but what really bugs me is what Jesus says to John.

Jesus said that the people who are not offended by Him will be blessed, and those who are offended by him will not be blessed. "So John, you are a great guy and all, but are you going to quit following me if things don't go like you expected?"

It isn't that I am offended. It really isn't, but I really did expect things to go smoother, easier, more placidly. Now I am faced with this prospect of pursuing something that will not go as I expected. I will have to continue down an unknown path regardless of how confusing it becomes. Sometimes I feel like I want to quit. I would too if it weren't for that voice that keeps haunting me, "So Trent, you're a great guy and all, but are you going to quit following me if things don't go like you expect?"

No, I guess not.