Incomprehensible

I suppose that there must be something wrong with me. It isn't that I am dying, or that I have noticed some physical symptom creeping into my consciousness from some small distant speck of a complaint. No, it isn't any of that at all. Instead, it is that I have noticed an unwillingness in my spirit that is troubling, but to be honest, I doubt it will change anytime soon.

You see, there is this place on the inside of me that is aching to express itself. It wants to yell and scream. It wants to make enough noise to be noticed, but even worse it wants to be understood, and it is this need to be understood that keeps it quiet because it is terrified of just being the meandering mental gymnastics of a philosophical fool. Occasionally, a quiet little clue will creep out, but the clues aren't understood. To be honest they are incomprehensible.

This place doesn't want to face a torrent of criticism about its very existence. It knows that it should not be. It knows that very well. But, inspite of all the shoulds, there is no disputing the fact that lurking just beneath the surface is a well of doubt and suspicion.

I know that is sounds like a guy ready to renounce his faith, but that is not it at all.

I remember this one episode of Star Trek that really intrigued me as a teenager. The Federation and the Klingons were fighting over this planet of pacifists. They seemed weak and fragile and stupid. The Klingons, evil planet grabbers that they were, were killing the pacifists for not submitting to their Imperial rule. The Federation was trying to protect the pacifists by killing the Klingons. Well, eventually the weak, stupid, fragile pacifists said, "Stop!"

It turns out that they weren't stupid, weak or fragile. They were more powerful than either the Klingons or the Federation could imagine. Even Spock didn't see it coming. These powerful pacifiststs took control of both of the beligerent space vessels. The problem is that they didn't just reprove the Klingons for their aggressive behavior, they reproved the Federation for their violent protectionism. The powerful pacifists were in no need of protection from the puny Federation and were appalled at the methods that the Federation was using to promote justice.

I feel like I am part of the Federation. No, I have not been trying to save a bunch of pacifists, but I have been trying to protect the name and image of a God that I have horribly underestimated. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I should just laugh when His name is blasphemed...Not at all. What I am saying though, is that I have missed the point.

This is the spot that is crying out constantly wanting to be noticed and understood. I want to emphatically and clearly ask God, "So, what is the point?"

Here is what I know so far.

The point is not about protecting the image of God with my vote.

Yelling at people doesn't help.

Yelling at God doesn't help either, but I do feel better.

Bumperstickers only make matters worse.

Most Christian music takes complex things and trivializes them to uselessness.

Praise music only praises God if I am already praising Him with my life. If I am not, praise music is nothing more than spiritual alcohol.

Jesus may be the answer, but it seems that most people aren't asking questions anymore.

So there it is. I have spoken it as clearly as I can. I hope it isn't incomprehensible.