Doctrine

When I read stories about Jesus I like to imagine myself as the good guy. I don't mean that I like to imagine myself as Jesus, but I mean that I like to imagine myself as the good follower that gets it right.

This was true when I was reading about the healing of the guy that was blind since birth. I want to imagine that I am that guy that Jesus heals so he can display his power to all the people around. Admittedly, the mud spit balls might be a little much, but other than that I would like to think that I fit quite nicely in the mold of the guy that was blind from birth.

You see, I want to be the guy that has the amazing spiritual experience. I want to be the guy that says "All I know is that I was blind, but now I see." I want to be able to tell religous people how ridiculous they are when they criticize my devotion to my leader. I really do want all that.

The problem is that it is not very easy do live that way even if you really want to. I find myself more like the pharisees. If someone that is a "marginal" person in my book has an amazing spiritual miracle to celebrate I tend to be the bucket of cold criticizing water. "So, how are you going to make sure you make this relationship fit with God's plan for your life?" "You mean you had this amazing conversation during the church service?" "You were talking about Jesus with friends in a bar?" Seriously, the more of the gospels I read and take seriously, the more I become convinced that I have had absolutely no clue about who Jesus is or what he wants from me.

Now don't take this the wrong way. I am not saying I am ready to give up on Jesus, but I am saying I am ready to give up on my preconceived, plastic, fit in my pocket and do what I want Jesus. The one positive in this whole mess is that my view of Jesus is getting more and more rich, textured and complex. You see up until now I have been in love with doctrinal Jesus.

Doctrinal Jesus is the Jesus that sets up rules and regulations for who can and who cannot know God. I have subconsciously loved all of these rules and regulations because they kept me in the elite category of God Knower. Of course these same rules kept you out of that category, but your absence from the list benefitted my self esteem so it was tolerable.

I discovered in this passage about the man born blind that doctrinal Jesus is a myth. Doctrinal Jesus is my perversion of the Gospel's depiction of the messiah. It is a very dangerous perversion. I have since realized that doctrine can be just as dangerous as it can be helpful. It is dangerous when it used by religious people to eliminate people from the presence of God or to intimidate them into staying away from the God places of our lives. It is helpful when it is used to usher people into the presence of God. The difference between the two is not marked by a large red boundary marker. Instead, it is subtle and easy to miss. I have been missing it a lot lately.