Scared

I recently received this email from a friend. It describes a situation that I find myself in all the time. That situation where I realize that something that I want may not be what God wants me to have.

I don't know how to "give it up." I want what God has for me if it's better than what I dream of. You tell me that what God has for me is much better than what I dream of and want. I have heard that but never really thought about it. I thought God would just give it to me when it was time. This is wrong. I never thought I would have to give up my dreams in order to for God to give me what he has for me. It will be so hard to give up my dreams. My dreams are everything I hope for... everything I want... they are everything. Giving up my dreams is giving up everything I have. It's scary. It's like walking with your eyes closed and you can't feel the next step... the people around you say that it's a bigger platform and very sturdy... better than the shaky one you are standing on at the moment... you can stay on the platform you are on or you can take the risk and step out for the next one... but there's no halfway... once you step out for the next one you can't go back to the other one... you have to sell out to the idea that there is indeed another platform on which you will end up if you just take the step to get there, but all you have to go on is what other people are telling you. That's what I feel like. You are telling me that if I give up MY dreams, God will give me something so much better. You are telling me that I have to sell out to something that I'm not totally sure is there.

I just realized what I want, and I got it from a TV show. I want to be wanted. I want someone to wonder what I'm doing when we aren't together... to smile when they just hear my name... to actually tell me the truth... to love God more than anything else... to challenge me... to be there when I feel nothing else is... to lead me... to live life with me... I want him. I don't know who he is, but I know he will be great. He is one of my dreams. You are telling me that I have to give him up. Giving him up and not knowing what God will give me in return seems impossible. Tears are welling up in my eyes b/c I don't know how or if I can do that. I know that I must give up my dreams in order to receive what God has for me. My dreams are what I want. I must give up what I want, but I don't know how. I can't explain how scared I am. This is one of the most frightening things I think I have ever had to do. I don't know what is in the future. What is going to happen? Where will I end up? What will my dreams become when I give up the ones I have now? I am afraid.

I think it is scary too, but I rarely hear believers talk about it this way.