Vacuum Salesman

Our new Pastor, Jay Samson, was preaching out of Matthew 9 this morning. He said something in that sermon that I thought was very interesting. He said that concerning Jesus, the Pharisees were impressed and all with his miracles, but they just didn't buy it that this guy might be the Lord.

It reminded me of a time in my far distant past...

As I was about to go out my door for a 30 mile bike ride I got a phone call. This was the era before cell phones, so I had to go back inside and answer the phone. When I answered the lady on the other end asked me if I would take part in a survey. I told her that I would, but only if it did not take too long. Of course she assured me that it would not. I was relieved.

To be fair it really was brief. She asked me if I owned or rented, if I had carpet or wood floors and several other questions that I don't remember. She then asked if I would be interested in a "risk free" demonstration of a home air purifying system. She told me that since dust was a big probem in my part of the country this would be a good idea. I hesitated. She said, "Oh, by the way you will receive a free gift for the trouble of hosting a demonstration." Well, that settled it. I wasn't busy that evening, my air could use some cleaning, and hey, I was going to get a free gift, so I told her I would be glad to help her out.

Later that evening, 3 minutes before the appointed time, there was a knock on the door. When I opened the door I was greeted by a tall, thin, hyperactive gentleman in his 30s carrying a large case and wearing a white sweater with polyester slacks. He shook my hand and quickly strolled in through the door and sat down on my couch. He sat his case down next to him and proceeded to tell me about the dangers of dust borne particulate matter. I really was listening intently when he asked if I would like to see his product in action. I said, "that's why your here." He began unbuckling cases and opening folders and showing me maps and charts and graphs and slides and even medical testimonials. When he finally took his machine out of the case, I said, "Hey, that's a Rainbow Vacuum Cleaner. My mom has one."

I did not mean to be offensive. I promise I didn't, but he stopped fiddling with his equipment, turned his head toward me, and slowly and emphatically said, "It is not a VACUUM Cleaner. It is a complete Rainbow Air Quality Management System."

I said, "sorry, I didn't know."

He said, "Don't worry about it," and immediately got into the demonstration. He took it apart and showed me every moving piece that it had. He filled it with water and turned it on. The industrial strength motor began pulling air from the room and pushing it through the water at the bottom of the machine. It was like a giant Turkish Hookah Pipe but without the smoke or tobacco. He put chemicals in the machine that made the air smell like pine, then like cinnamon, then like lemon, then I said I get the picture.

I assumed that the demonstration was over but I was wrong. he took some attachments out of the case and plugged them into the Rainbow Air Quality Management System. He then took the attachments and moved them across the floor in a vacuuming motion. I said, "I thought you said it wasn't a vacuum?"

He ignored my question and began a 10 minute rant about how air quality begins in the carpet. I thought I could see sweat forming on his forehead. I thought I could hear him begin to breathe more deeply. I thought he was tiring. Apparently he had great endurance. He ran the machine over all the carpet in the room and showed me how much dirt was in the water now. He asked me to get my vacuum cleaner and he put it into a head to head battle with his Rainbow Air Quality Management System. It certainly appeared that mine was the loser.

Finally, he sat back on the couch, this time he was slouching back against the cushions with a big grin on his face. He said, "So what do you think about my Rainbow Air Quality Management System?"

I told him that it was certainly very impressive. Impressive must have been the word that told him he had made a sale because he took out another folder, found a contract and began talking me through the payment plan to purchase the Rainbow Air Quality Management System.

I asked him to wait a minute. He didn't. I said again, "Hold up sir." He stopped and looked at me.

I told him I needed to know how much this impressive machine was going to cost me. He told me. I was suddenly much less impressed. When he realized that he was not going to make a sale the grin faded from his face. He packed up all of his stuff, and started for the door. I stopped him and asked, "What about my free gift for the trouble of hosting this demonstration?"

He said, "Oh, I almost forgot." He reached into one of his bags and pulled out a cardboard box. In it were some plastic handled steak knives. He grinned again and said, "thanks for letting me show you the Rainbow Ail Quality Management System."

I said, "No problem, thanks for the steak knives."

He hurried out the door and I watched him put all of his stuff into his subcompact stationwagon and back out of my drive.

I felt bad about not getting the machine you know, but it just cost way too much.

I think the Pharisees felt the same.