Grammar Nazi

Okay, Okay, I'll tell you, but please don't laugh. I am an English teacher. Remember now, you promised not to laugh.

You may be thinking, "I would never laugh at such things. I am sure you are sensitive and I am way to kind to laugh."

Well, I appreciate the kindness. Really, I do. You see, Every time I post something to this little blog of mine I face a serious dilemma. The dilemma is pretty simple. Do I review every little comma and every little piece of grammar to make sure that everything is spot on perfect, as one would expect from someone who holds the esteemed title, English Teacher? Or do I just write what pops into my head and "damn the torpedoes?"

As you can tell, the latter argument wins most times. In fact, it is that reluctance to proof and edit and revise and edit some more that has kept me from divulging my occupation before now. It is sort of like the reason that I have absolutely no Christian bumper stickers on my car. I don't want you to catch me speeding and then claim that I don't represent Christ very well. I have always felt that if I kept my occupation secret, you would forgive all of my little and large grammar mistakes. To be honest, I still hope you forgive all of my grammar mistakes.

You may be wondering why I decided to come out of the closet at this particular time. Well, a bit of history first. For as long as I can remember I have never done a bang up good job getting along with English teachers. Seriously, I haven't. When I was working on my M.Ed. the only Bs I recieved were from professors who were formerly English teachers. When I was working on my B.A. I had similar difficulties. In fact, the whole reason I became an English teacher was for the challenge of it, and it has been a lot of fun.

So much for the history. The real reason that I decided to come out today is simple. This morning I attended a workshop for English teachers. This workshop was to help us understand how the state mandated writing tests are scored. It helped me quite a bit too. In spite of myself, I was learning a lot from the workshop. All would have been roses if only the presenters hadn't let us ask questions.

Well, sadly, they did let us ask questions. It did not take long before I realized what really bugged me about English teachers. Grammar Nazis. Yep, Many English Teachers are Grammar Nazis. Now, let's be honest. Grammar is important. It really is, but it is not important for the same reasons that Grammar Nazis think that it is. You see, grammar simply provides us with a set of commonly held conventions that allow us to communicate more clearly with those who read our documents. Basically then, grammar is nothing more than a common courtesy for readers that enables the reader to glean as much meaning as possible from a written text.

Sadly, this is not the opinion of the Grammar Nazis. They feel that if they do not protect the grammar of our language we will all soon be using grunts and gestures to communicate to one another. I think that they are afraid of the entire world becoming a giant football practice. They also feel that regardless of the validity of your argument, regardless of the quality of the organization of your ideas, if you have a single instance of subject verb disagreement, you is stupid.

This realization came when several GNs (Grammar Nazis) decided to voice their loud opinion that the test was way too soft on grammar. After 20 minutes of arguing the importance of grammar for 8th graders on an "On Demand Writing Test," I lowered my head in shame. Every face of every English teacher I ever had flashed across the screen of my memory. I rememered the good and the bad. The GNs and the TWUTBPs, (teachers who understand the big picture). I chanted to myself grammar is not the end. It is a means to the end. Grammar is not the end. It is a means to the end.

I just want you to remember that not all English teachers judge you by the correctness of your commas or, the number of participles you dangle, or his correct use of pronouns. Nope we don't all judge you by such things, but we do all judge you.