Perfect Love?

Recently, I bought a book by Erwin Raphael McManus. Man, that is a cool name. The name of the book is "Soul Cravings." I honestly think that the reason that I bought this book was the cover. It is solid black with red fingerprints...The cover is way cool.

In this book McManus claimed that we as humans don't love enough. He says that our soul craves love and craves to love, and that the biggest problem with the human condition is that this just does not happen enough. It is hard to argue with that, but I really don't completely agree. In my opinion the problem is that we love way too much.

If you think I am a little crazy you may be a little correct, but give me just a minute, would ya? You see, I think that a much bigger problem than loving others too little is that we love ourselves too much. We as modern, post modern, or even ancient humanity are racked with selfishness. In my opinion that selfish desire was the main reason for the fall of man. We saw it. We wanted it, so we took it.

This problem happens all the time. In fact the other day I got into a fight with my wife. It happened because I did not want to talk to her about the direction that I felt I was being led by God. If I told her, then she might see that the 20 acres we live on might have to be sold. Keeping this line of thinking stressed me out because I did not want to get into an argument with her. Of course that is exactly what happened. For your sake I will leave out all of the wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I could lie about this argument. I could say that it happened because I was afraid that she would think that I loved her less. I could say that it happened because I was trying to protect her. The truth is, however, that it happened because I was trying to protect myself. I was much more concerned with peace in my marriage than I was in peace with my God, so I hid my feelings and concerns from my wife. Am I the only one that sees the stupid irony in that situation? There are times when the density of my thick skull surprises me. This was one of those times.

Don't be too quick to judge me. Sure, I was incredibly stupid, but I will bet a dollar to a doughnut (not as good a bet as it used to be) that many of you have lied at times to make yourselves look less selfish too. How many times have we said, "Look God, It was not my fault. This woman you put here with me. She can be really persuasive." Even in those moments when we are caught redhanded we love ourselves more than those around us, and because of that we lie.

Once the fight got going do you know what happened? Other than blood and hair flying, do you? Of course not, but I'll tell you. Progress is what happened. When she found out what had been stressing me out she was very understanding. The scary thing is she already knew most of my concerns about selling the property. In fact, she said that she loved me more than the property so if we had to sell, we would. Of course we both agreed to beg God to spare us such a fate (loving ourselves again).

You know, if I would have been honest with my wife and myself my life would have been a bit less eventful on that day. If I would have loved me less I would have had the courage to talk to my best friend about something that was on my heart. If I had loved myself less I would have had less to fear. Maybe that is why the scripture says that perfect love casts out fear. I suppose that perfect love is unselfish love. Well, if that is the case, I suppose McManus was right.